Dearest Emma

October is the month for International month for Pregnancy loss and still birth and today especially is the 15th October and the international day of remembrance for pregnancy loss and infant loss and at 7pm I will join the wave around the world that will light candles in memory on our loss this wave will continue for 24 hours around the world everyone who has lost a child lighting a candle at 7pm, and I will light one in your memory my precious angel.

http://www.october15th.com/

 

Your father and I have made a few night visits to where we scattered your ashes, though it is dark it is so peaceful and I feel so much closer to you. I know Pop has joined you, is he with you? Are you sitting on his knee as he tells you stories of me and growing up with him as my grandfather? His death Like yours I took hard.

 

It appears for me this year has been about lessons and how to cope and be strong without you in my life. I should be watching you grow, you would be walking now and talking a little if you had been born on your due date. You would have been 15 months old and a real princess in your father’s and my eyes.

Your father was telling me about a new possible law or practise that may come into place that will test for incompetent cervix to help prevent pregnancy loss. Though it brings me some measure of joy that it will save the lives of many babies that will make it to term since the sitch will be placed in women with this condition, it does not bring you back nothing will do that.

I am 42 and my time is running out to give you a brother or a sister, do you think maybe you could help us out here. My

psychiatrist says not to go over the age of 45. I never wanted to be an older parent, but I had lessons to learn before I could have and lose you another lesson, still not sure why your father and I had to go through this. I still cry when I think about you. Even as I write this letter to you the tears flow. God I miss you but I know you were an angel that had to grow their wings early.

There is so much that your father and I planned to do with you and for you, you would have been loved by the both of us, not to mention the family and your godparents.

 

Your second Angelversary is coming up in a few months, I want to celebrate it with those you meant the world too, those that were excited that you were coming, we are having a fairy cake and lunch nothing too major.

 

Your second Christmas is also coming, what do you want?

 

I will go for now

Love Mummy

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